Missed you guys

by

It’s been ages since I’ve sat down and actually put all of my thoughts to paper so to speak.  In two days my baby will be 12 and that really snuck up on me.  My husband has been out of the house/our lives for over two years. 

I have so much to say but don’t know where to start.

Upon my husbands departure from my residence, my dog park/dog walking friend Rufus “Ru” became my boyfriend.  We moved into his house in a better City about 30 minutes away from my house, and while we were in the process of moving from my house to his house and fixing up my house to rent-we discovered what a flop his land contract really was.  The weather changed and the heat didn’t work, only 1 electrical outlet per room (if that) actually worked and the wiring was out of code and the landlord was pressuring us to sign the land contract and assume all responsibilities to the property.  I declined and moved what stuff I’d already moved back to my house.

Bella has had a barrage of inpatient and outpatient stays for her uncontrollable behavior.  I’m at a total loss for words and I think that needs to be an entirely separate post.  I’ve finally reached my breaking point with it and started seeing a therapist myself.  Seems to be going ‘ok’

Trying to get my life back on track, mind/spirit and everything in between.

I’m ready for new beginnings

Free Falling

by

You know for QUITE a while there I was actually feeling like I had my shit together, had a purpose, was focused and BAM! My husband wrote Bella back and now I feel like I fell right back down the rabbit hole with tons of emotions coming to the surface.

Still trying to focus on working out, even downloaded the Peloton app for riding and running and I’ve been running stairs at work, need to top 25 flights from two days ago.

Just going to take it ONE day at a time while I continue to focus. And I just need these collection notices to STOP coming already! UGH

Oh No He Didn’t!!!

by

Being discredited making your feelings/reasoning for being upset is a bigger insult than being ignored or told ‘fuck you’.

Last night after conferences I stopped at Culver’s to get food. We are NOT rich and this was a treat, and mind you, I have to feed my picky ass grand baby as well.

Got up to the speaker to order and asked Rick what he wanted and he says ‘nothing, I want BURGER KING’ -INSERT EYE ROLLS

So I try to ask him ‘since when do you not eat Culvers?’ etc. He jumped down my throat telling me I’m making a bigger deal of it than needs to be made.

Ok-let’s list them:

1. you do NOTHING ALL DAY BUT NAP 99% OF THE TIME
2. I work all day, I’m up at 530-545 am to get things done around the house, prep dinner, animal care etc.
3. I was tired, hungry and got wet in the rain
4. It was Bella’s shower night and I wanted to do her hair
5. I had a bird person coming after being told going to Burger King would take ‘just a few minutes-MIND YOU 22 MINUTES LATER IN THE DRIVE THRU, which resulted in OUR FOOD BEING COLD
6. After talking weekly about his diet-orders TWO whoppers & 10 piece nuggets, like he needs that

Sat in silence all night, moved in silence all morning and haven’t messaged or texted him as of yet today. Gonna worry about myself moving forward. Helping people only seems to fuck yourself over in the long run. Need to focus on this charity stair climb in March and getting through the holidays.

5 O’clock me please

by

Had an AMAZING parent teacher conference last night for Bella. Not in 100% agreement of her math scores from the first day, but over-all it went really well. Even got the ‘reflections’ which is what they write for behavior modification and I tailored it to home. Just need to make copies for her and Tori. Hope this helps.

Going to Vickie’s house to barter at lunch and gotta get my oil changed tomorrow still yet for my trip up to Adam’s County Saturday to sell a blue quaker with a complete set up. And it’s my goal to rescue a macaw if they are willing to accept my offer.

Now that Halloween is among us, time to get ready for Xmas crafting! Got tons of ideas for Bella!

Refund relief

by

WELP, my MUCH NEEDED tax refund has hit!!! Only the state refund and did you feel a huge gust of wind? that was me exhaling!. WOOT WOOT! Paid my tax girl, splurged a bit, now gonna get my tires for my car and then battery. Oil change this week as well.

When my Federal return hits, I’m going to either make a car payment for each of the girls and give them a $100 gift card for food shopping or give them $$$.

Tonight is conferences at Bella’s school, so this throws my entire night off. Guess we will get some food on the way home afterwards.

At least my leaves are continuing to fall!

In other news, my husband CONTINUES to call my job at least twice a day and hang up. Just to hear my voice. Not even flattered. He had the best of me and brought out the worst!

Ordered my wine from NakedWines.com and pretty excited about that as well!

Things are slowly looking up for me! Even cleaned 1/3 or my macaw room before work, just gotta stay focused and clean the rest

Monday morning blues

by

So, I’m officially taking Estrogen replacement and John’s Wart for my moods. Hoping they both help with my moods and energy level but most of all my HOT FLASHES. I’m ready to cut all my pants into shorts and the sleeves off of everything I own.

I’ve decided to put my treadmill in the kitchen, it’ll be out of the way, I can sing, scratch myself and not be in the way of the TV and I still need to bring my Total Gym up as well.

It’s my plan tonight to get all the leaves off the deck raked, some of the bins emptied and cages collapsed and a few brought up to clean out. Never ending.

Back on my marketing game, got a deposit already for a blue quaker and possibly two more have been sold. I’m ready!

Let’s get it

by

Very disappointed in myself. I laid on the couch all day yesterday binge watching Power while suppressing a major anxiety attack. So this means I will be a cooking and cleaning fool today

I made an amazing dinner and did not have any sort of mad at the world meltdown rant. That’s huge. Baby steps

I left the house today before 7 to go do laundry and I hope after this month to have a new washer and dryer set.

Need to stop at Walmart to return items and get a few things since I’m not food shopping this week .

Big plans for the week